I am Phoebe

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mcdolands:

Me: “dad am i adopted?”
Dad:no, ur David. why woud anyone name you ‘Adopted’? even if we wanted to, ur name was alredy David when we adopted you

(via askinnyblackman)


asspunker:

LETS GET HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!grades

(via andrewquo)



my-flourish-and-blotts:

Hears a Joke: *laughs hysterically*.

Hears a Historical joke: *laughs historically*.

(via i-turned-your-child-into-a-lamp)


fucknodoms:

I HAVE A HUGE COCK AND I PLAY HOCKEY LMAO FOREVER

fucknodoms:

I HAVE A HUGE COCK AND I PLAY HOCKEY LMAO FOREVER

(via i-turned-your-child-into-a-lamp)


eyeballfarts:

I put on a pushup bra and I still can’t do a single pushup…

(via asian)


bombing:

one of my favorite things is when you give a baby your finger and they hold on to it as tight as they can. it’s funny because they don’t even come close to having the amount of muscle power i do. do you really think you can hold me here haha. i’ll crush you

(via i-turned-your-child-into-a-lamp)


-hewastheirfriend:

when ur tryin to tell a story but no one knows what the fuck ur talkin about

(via sublimesublemon)


brookeeverdeen:

i just need a very very long hug

(via i-turned-your-child-into-a-lamp)


j0ye:

j0ye:

i like having my own apartment bc it means when my family comes to visit i can just say “you’re under my roof” and they can’t protest shit

update my dad is grounded

(via i-turned-your-child-into-a-lamp)


vrixie:

irisannwest:

do you ever

do you ever just have

that one class

that one freaking class

that just depresses you when you think about it because

oh god you hate it so much

The bourgeoisie

(via asdfghjklesley)


jon-egbert:

sassy-lesbian-lorax:

mpregbert:

feffery:


is that hitler


hes there twice

whats going on in this picture

this picture just gets weirder and weirder every time it comes back

jon-egbert:

sassy-lesbian-lorax:

mpregbert:

feffery:

image

is that hitler

image

hes there twice

whats going on in this picture

this picture just gets weirder and weirder every time it comes back

(via i-turned-your-child-into-a-lamp)


earthnation:

DONT GO THRU OLD CONVERSATIONS WITH SOMEONE WHO U USED TO BE CLOSE WITH

(via i-turned-your-child-into-a-lamp)